Taoism: Sh*t happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Sh*t happens."
Buddhism: If sh*t happens, it isn't really sh*t.
Zen Buddhism: Sh*t is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of sh*t happening?
Hinduism: This sh*t has happened before.
Islam: If sh*t happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If sh*t happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If sh*t happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If sh*t happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let sh*t happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This sh*t was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as good as sh*t that happens to another.
Unitarian: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as bad as sh*t that happens to another.
Lutheran: If sh*t happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If sh*t happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If sh*t happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Sh*t must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this sh*t always happen to us?
Calvinism: Sh*t happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No sh*t shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all sh*t.
Secular Humanism: Sh*t evolves.
Christian Science: When sh*t happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Sh*t happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this sh*t.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this sh*t.
Utopianism: This sh*t does not stink.
Darwinism: This sh*t was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY sh*t.
Communism: It's everybody's sh*t.
Feminism: Men are sh*t.
Chauvinism: We may be sh*t, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this sh*t.
Impressionism: From a distance, sh*t looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this sh*t.
Existentialism: Sh*t doesn't happen; sh*t IS.
Existentialism #2: What is sh*t, anyway?
Stoicism: This sh*t is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good sh*t happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this sh*t.
Mormonism #2: This sh*t is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let sh*t happen.
Scientology: If sh*t happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Sh*t happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our sh*t?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Sh*t has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy sh*t happens.
Hare Krishna: Sh*t happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this sh*t!
Zoroastrianism: Sh*t happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB sh*ts.
Practical: Deal with sh*t one day at a time.
Agnostic: Sh*t might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone sh*t?
Agnostic #3: What is this sh*t?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What sh*t?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this sh*t!
Nihilism: No sh*t.

And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Sh*t happens-one day at a time!