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|||Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Sh*t List|||Taoism: Sh*t happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Sh*t happens." Buddhism: If sh*t happens, it isn't really sh*t. Zen Buddhism: Sh*t is, and is not. Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of sh*t happening? Hinduism: This sh*t has happened before. Islam: If sh*t happens, it is the will of Allah. Islam #2: If sh*t happens, kill the person responsible. Islam #3: If sh*t happens, blame Israel. Catholicism: If sh*t happens, you deserve it. Protestantism: Let sh*t happen to someone else. Presbyterian: This sh*t was bound to happen. Episcopalian: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. Methodist: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. Congregationalist: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as good as sh*t that happens to another. Unitarian: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as bad as sh*t that happens to another. Lutheran: If sh*t happens, don't talk about it. Fundamentalism: If sh*t happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) Fundamentalism #2: If sh*t happens to a televangelist, it's okay. Fundamentalism #3: Sh*t must be born again. Judaism: Why does this sh*t always happen to us? Calvinism: Sh*t happens because you don't work. Seventh Day Adventism: No sh*t shall happen on Saturday. Creationism: God made all sh*t. Secular Humanism: Sh*t evolves. Christian Science: When sh*t happens, don't call a doctor - pray! Christian Science #2: Sh*t happening is all in your mind. Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this sh*t. Quakers: Let us not fight over this sh*t. Utopianism: This sh*t does not stink. Darwinism: This sh*t was once food. Capitalism: That's MY sh*t. Communism: It's everybody's sh*t. Feminism: Men are sh*t. Chauvinism: We may be sh*t, but you can't live without us... Commercialism: Let's package this sh*t. Impressionism: From a distance, sh*t looks like a garden. Idolism: Let's bronze this sh*t. Existentialism: Sh*t doesn't happen; sh*t IS. Existentialism #2: What is sh*t, anyway? Stoicism: This sh*t is good for me. Hedonism: There is nothing like a good sh*t happening! Mormonism: God sent us this sh*t. Mormonism #2: This sh*t is going to happen again. Wiccan: An it harm none, let sh*t happen. Scientology: If sh*t happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Sh*t happens. Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our sh*t? Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Sh*t has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening. Moonies: Only really happy sh*t happens. Hare Krishna: Sh*t happens, rama rama. Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this sh*t! Zoroastrianism: Sh*t happens half on the time. Church of SubGenius: BoB sh*ts. Practical: Deal with sh*t one day at a time. Agnostic: Sh*t might have happened; then again, maybe not. Agnostic #2: Did someone sh*t? Agnostic #3: What is this sh*t? Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS. Atheism: What sh*t? Atheism #2: I can't believe this sh*t! Nihilism: No sh*t. And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Sh*t happens-one day at a time! My Cross"...So what's the use to burn and bleed And strive for beauty's sake? No one your poetry will read, Your heart will only break. But set your song in vulgar pitch, If rhyme you will not rue, And make your heroine a bitch... Like Lady Lou." ~ Robert William Service How to Speak Southern in One Easy LessonAig - What a hen lays
Olny srmat poelpe canCdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Here's what you get after you rearrange these words:DORMITORY : DIRTY ROOM MOTHER-IN-LAW : WOMAN HITLER PRESBYTERIAN : BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER : MOON STARER DESPERATION : A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES : THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH : HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE : HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES : CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY : IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS : LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS : ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT : IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES : THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO : TWELVE PLUS ONE PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS "I am God""My body functions as a pure mechanism according to laws of nature, and I know by direct experience that I am directing the motions. It follows that I am the one who directs the atoms of the world in motions. Hence I am God Almighty." ~ Erwin Schrodinger, Noble prize winning physicist Women Tech Types
HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............
From, Ima RamotTo, Imut Rama
Want me. You will lose your mind. Long for me. You will fall into blackholes. Miss me. You will be haunted. Dream of me. You will forget your tomorrow. See me. You will lose your sight. Touch me. You will get burnt. Caress me. You will be perished thru sweating. Kiss me. You will taste death. Love me. You will realize That they were all worth it. Ó RinRin Why calling "Cheaters" when you got a tell-tale parrot!!
Tell-tale parrot exposes cheating girlfriend - Peculiar Postings - MSNBC.com
LONDON - Chris Taylor, a 30-year-old British computer programmer, grew suspicious of his live-in girlfriend when his pet parrot began to imitate her saying, “I love you, Gary.” Ziggy, an 8-year-old African gray parrot, would also make kissing noises whenever the name Gary was mentioned on TV and would mimic Suzy Collins saying, “Hiya, Gary,” every time she answered her mobile phone. Confronted with the evidence, Collins admitted to a month-long affair with a coworker named Gary and moved out of their shared Leeds apartment that same night.
~ Darn! I've got to have me a parrot!
FACTS (and comments)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. Are You One of Them?
Protect Your Driver's License
Need to do A.S.A.P. This is upsetting. Thought I should post it. Check your drivers license... Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all! Thanks Homeland Security! Privacy, where Is our right to it? I definitely removed mine, I suggest you all do the same..... Go to the website and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement. Click here: Driver's License Search copy and paste into address: http://www.license.shorturl.com/
Worthy Quotes
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand." Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield '
"There are a number of mechanical devices with increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Cheif among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." Lynn Lavner
"Sex in one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin
"don't be hatin! English is hard!!"
A student's leave letter: "As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...." --------------------------------------------- 2. A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post." --------------------------------------------- 3. I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave. --------------------------------------------- 4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave" --------------------------------------------- 5. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" --------------------------------------------- 6. An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." --------------------------------------------- 7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day. --------------------------------------------- 8. A covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..." --------------------------------------------- 9. >From H.A.L. Administration dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave. --------------------------------------------- 10. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave". --------------------------------------------- 11. Letter writing: "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." --------------------------------------------- 12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."
... .......mukaddar mera sawar jane do
dil jo kahe, woh kar jane do. meri bahon mein chale aao tum haad se mujhe guzar jane do....
Back to realityPlease God, let me wake up for physics tomorrow morning. Please, please, pretty please! I said goodbye to summer... already!
Bangalir Abeg O Dorshon (Bengali's emotion and their philosophy - a satire)Aah, protiti bangali ekekjon darshonik. Gan-shadhona kingba dhan kore noy, borong bektigoto obhiggota diye orjito tader sheishob dorshon. Jiboner shongga ki, bhalobasha kake bole, eshob to tader kache mamuli bishoy. Jekaro jekono shomoshshar shomadhan tara dite pare shudhu upodesher buli aore. Oboshsho bangalir shob dorshon-e niyontrito hoy abege. Shutorang bujhtei parchen, bangali holo abegprobon jati. Bangali abegi bolei shorol, naki shorol bolei abegi...tar uttor ojana thakleo bangali ra je udar (taka-poysha khoroche noy), ta shikar kortei hobe. Bangalir dhan, dharona, achar-achoron shobkichu nirnito hoy bishesh shomoyer “bhab” ba “mood” er upor. Tobe abegi bangali kobita porte noy, borong bhalobashe kobita likhte, ontoto-pokkhe kobi-kobi bhab dhorte. Ete nishshondehe bangala shahitto shommriddho hote parto, jonmo nite parto oshongkho Shukanto, Jibonanondo. Kintu mushkil holo, notun prem ele kingba prem paliye gele jemon bangali kobi hoye jay, temni kono bhabe prem shofol hoye biye porjonto goralei eity ghote shei bikkhato kobi-kobi bhaber. Kenona “prem ondho holeo biye manusher chokh khule dey” – eta darshonik bangalir ekti abegmoy bani chirontoni.
Bangalir Rajniti (Bengali's Politics - a satire)
Bangalider moto rajniti-priyo, thukku, rajniti shocheton jati bishshe bodhohoy aar ektio nei. Desh, jati, jonogon – ejeno 14 koti bangalir noimittik dushchintar karon. Rajniti je shudhu raja-raajder ekar shompotti noy, tate jono-shadharoner naak golanor purno odhikar ache – Bangladesh er jekono cha’er dokan, shorkari-beshorkari office adaloter canteen ey dhu marlei sheta porishkar hoye jay. Emonki jam ey atka pora jatri ebong chaloker kothopokothone aari patun, muhurtei jene jaben deshtir artho-shamajik o rajnitir tatka khobor. Ei rajniti shochetonota hajar hajar mile dure thaka probashi bangali der majheo togbogiye futte thake. Oboshsho bangalider ei shu-nagorik chorcha ta shudhu rajnitibid derke mukhe mukhe tulodhuno korar moddhei shimaboddo theke geche. Kintu tarporeo proshno theke jay, eheno durlov nagorik dayitto palon korte Bangali ra shikhlo kibhabe? Khub shohoj: eta bangali peyeche uttoradhikar shutre – hoyto tader dadar dada kingba tar’o dadar theke, jokhon eingrejra rajnitir guti chalto. “Biddrohi rono klato” ei bangali der rokte aaj’o tai protibadi hoye othar nesha peye boshe. Kintu oshubidha ektai, shomossha joto choto, bangalir protibader bhasha toto joralo. Bishshash na hole ghotona ta shunun. Bochor du'ek agey Noakhalir ekti gram er shomiti theke kichu taka gayeb hoye jay. Shomitir shodoshshoder obhijog, taka gulo keo mere niyeche. Bas, omni charidike protibader agun jole uthlo. Shoto shoto manush lathi-shotha, placard niye michile jhapiye porlo. Konther shobtuku jor diye slogan dite laglo, “Jonogoner taka loi chudur-budur, cholto no... cholto no!” Priyo pathok, vogno-hridoy niye janate hochche, bangali der desh niye jara “chudur-budur” kore jachche, tar kono karjokor protibad na kore bangali ra shudhu ekti buli-e aore jay: “amader deshe kobe, shei chele hobe.” Thik-e dhorechen, kokhonoi hobe na. Karon bangali ra keo shei cheleti hote chay na. To: Imut Rama
This is Why
A story, I sing about, Ó RinRin |
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