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~meditation_in_the_basement~Hear the jingle? It's RinRin! |||Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Sh*t List|||Taoism: Sh*t happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Sh*t happens." Buddhism: If sh*t happens, it isn't really sh*t. Zen Buddhism: Sh*t is, and is not. Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of sh*t happening? Hinduism: This sh*t has happened before. Islam: If sh*t happens, it is the will of Allah. Islam #2: If sh*t happens, kill the person responsible. Islam #3: If sh*t happens, blame Israel. Catholicism: If sh*t happens, you deserve it. Protestantism: Let sh*t happen to someone else. Presbyterian: This sh*t was bound to happen. Episcopalian: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. Methodist: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. Congregationalist: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as good as sh*t that happens to another. Unitarian: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as bad as sh*t that happens to another. Lutheran: If sh*t happens, don't talk about it. Fundamentalism: If sh*t happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) Fundamentalism #2: If sh*t happens to a televangelist, it's okay. Fundamentalism #3: Sh*t must be born again. Judaism: Why does this sh*t always happen to us? Calvinism: Sh*t happens because you don't work. Seventh Day Adventism: No sh*t shall happen on Saturday. Creationism: God made all sh*t. Secular Humanism: Sh*t evolves. Christian Science: When sh*t happens, don't call a doctor - pray! Christian Science #2: Sh*t happening is all in your mind. Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this sh*t. Quakers: Let us not fight over this sh*t. Utopianism: This sh*t does not stink. Darwinism: This sh*t was once food. Capitalism: That's MY sh*t. Communism: It's everybody's sh*t. Feminism: Men are sh*t. Chauvinism: We may be sh*t, but you can't live without us... Commercialism: Let's package this sh*t. Impressionism: From a distance, sh*t looks like a garden. Idolism: Let's bronze this sh*t. Existentialism: Sh*t doesn't happen; sh*t IS. Existentialism #2: What is sh*t, anyway? Stoicism: This sh*t is good for me. Hedonism: There is nothing like a good sh*t happening! Mormonism: God sent us this sh*t. Mormonism #2: This sh*t is going to happen again. Wiccan: An it harm none, let sh*t happen. Scientology: If sh*t happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Sh*t happens. Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our sh*t? Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Sh*t has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening. Moonies: Only really happy sh*t happens. Hare Krishna: Sh*t happens, rama rama. Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this sh*t! Zoroastrianism: Sh*t happens half on the time. Church of SubGenius: BoB sh*ts. Practical: Deal with sh*t one day at a time. Agnostic: Sh*t might have happened; then again, maybe not. Agnostic #2: Did someone sh*t? Agnostic #3: What is this sh*t? Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS. Atheism: What sh*t? Atheism #2: I can't believe this sh*t! Nihilism: No sh*t. And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Sh*t happens-one day at a time! My Cross"...So what's the use to burn and bleed And strive for beauty's sake? No one your poetry will read, Your heart will only break. But set your song in vulgar pitch, If rhyme you will not rue, And make your heroine a bitch... Like Lady Lou." ~ Robert William Service How to Speak Southern in One Easy LessonAig - What a hen lays
Olny srmat poelpe canCdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Here's what you get after you rearrange these words:DORMITORY : DIRTY ROOM MOTHER-IN-LAW : WOMAN HITLER PRESBYTERIAN : BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER : MOON STARER DESPERATION : A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES : THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH : HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE : HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES : CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY : IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS : LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS : ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT : IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES : THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO : TWELVE PLUS ONE PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS "I am God""My body functions as a pure mechanism according to laws of nature, and I know by direct experience that I am directing the motions. It follows that I am the one who directs the atoms of the world in motions. Hence I am God Almighty." ~ Erwin Schrodinger, Noble prize winning physicist Women Tech Types
HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............
From, Ima RamotTo, Imut Rama
Want me. You will lose your mind. Long for me. You will fall into blackholes. Miss me. You will be haunted. Dream of me. You will forget your tomorrow. See me. You will lose your sight. Touch me. You will get burnt. Caress me. You will be perished thru sweating. Kiss me. You will taste death. Love me. You will realize That they were all worth it. Ó RinRin Why calling "Cheaters" when you got a tell-tale parrot!!
Tell-tale parrot exposes cheating girlfriend - Peculiar Postings - MSNBC.com
LONDON - Chris Taylor, a 30-year-old British computer programmer, grew suspicious of his live-in girlfriend when his pet parrot began to imitate her saying, “I love you, Gary.” Ziggy, an 8-year-old African gray parrot, would also make kissing noises whenever the name Gary was mentioned on TV and would mimic Suzy Collins saying, “Hiya, Gary,” every time she answered her mobile phone. Confronted with the evidence, Collins admitted to a month-long affair with a coworker named Gary and moved out of their shared Leeds apartment that same night.
~ Darn! I've got to have me a parrot!
FACTS (and comments)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. Are You One of Them?
Protect Your Driver's License
Need to do A.S.A.P. This is upsetting. Thought I should post it. Check your drivers license... Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all! Thanks Homeland Security! Privacy, where Is our right to it? I definitely removed mine, I suggest you all do the same..... Go to the website and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement. Click here: Driver's License Search copy and paste into address: http://www.license.shorturl.com/
Worthy Quotes
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand." Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield '
"There are a number of mechanical devices with increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Cheif among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." Lynn Lavner
"Sex in one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin
"don't be hatin! English is hard!!"
A student's leave letter: "As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...." --------------------------------------------- 2. A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post." --------------------------------------------- 3. I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave. --------------------------------------------- 4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave" --------------------------------------------- 5. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" --------------------------------------------- 6. An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." --------------------------------------------- 7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day. --------------------------------------------- 8. A covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..." --------------------------------------------- 9. >From H.A.L. Administration dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave. --------------------------------------------- 10. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave". --------------------------------------------- 11. Letter writing: "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." --------------------------------------------- 12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."
... .......mukaddar mera sawar jane do
dil jo kahe, woh kar jane do. meri bahon mein chale aao tum haad se mujhe guzar jane do....
Back to realityPlease God, let me wake up for physics tomorrow morning. Please, please, pretty please! I said goodbye to summer... already!
Bangalir Abeg O Dorshon (Bengali's emotion and their philosophy - a satire)Aah, protiti bangali ekekjon darshonik. Gan-shadhona kingba dhan kore noy, borong bektigoto obhiggota diye orjito tader sheishob dorshon. Jiboner shongga ki, bhalobasha kake bole, eshob to tader kache mamuli bishoy. Jekaro jekono shomoshshar shomadhan tara dite pare shudhu upodesher buli aore. Oboshsho bangalir shob dorshon-e niyontrito hoy abege. Shutorang bujhtei parchen, bangali holo abegprobon jati. Bangali abegi bolei shorol, naki shorol bolei abegi...tar uttor ojana thakleo bangali ra je udar (taka-poysha khoroche noy), ta shikar kortei hobe. Bangalir dhan, dharona, achar-achoron shobkichu nirnito hoy bishesh shomoyer “bhab” ba “mood” er upor. Tobe abegi bangali kobita porte noy, borong bhalobashe kobita likhte, ontoto-pokkhe kobi-kobi bhab dhorte. Ete nishshondehe bangala shahitto shommriddho hote parto, jonmo nite parto oshongkho Shukanto, Jibonanondo. Kintu mushkil holo, notun prem ele kingba prem paliye gele jemon bangali kobi hoye jay, temni kono bhabe prem shofol hoye biye porjonto goralei eity ghote shei bikkhato kobi-kobi bhaber. Kenona “prem ondho holeo biye manusher chokh khule dey” – eta darshonik bangalir ekti abegmoy bani chirontoni.
Bangalir Rajniti (Bengali's Politics - a satire)
Bangalider moto rajniti-priyo, thukku, rajniti shocheton jati bishshe bodhohoy aar ektio nei. Desh, jati, jonogon – ejeno 14 koti bangalir noimittik dushchintar karon. Rajniti je shudhu raja-raajder ekar shompotti noy, tate jono-shadharoner naak golanor purno odhikar ache – Bangladesh er jekono cha’er dokan, shorkari-beshorkari office adaloter canteen ey dhu marlei sheta porishkar hoye jay. Emonki jam ey atka pora jatri ebong chaloker kothopokothone aari patun, muhurtei jene jaben deshtir artho-shamajik o rajnitir tatka khobor. Ei rajniti shochetonota hajar hajar mile dure thaka probashi bangali der majheo togbogiye futte thake. Oboshsho bangalider ei shu-nagorik chorcha ta shudhu rajnitibid derke mukhe mukhe tulodhuno korar moddhei shimaboddo theke geche. Kintu tarporeo proshno theke jay, eheno durlov nagorik dayitto palon korte Bangali ra shikhlo kibhabe? Khub shohoj: eta bangali peyeche uttoradhikar shutre – hoyto tader dadar dada kingba tar’o dadar theke, jokhon eingrejra rajnitir guti chalto. “Biddrohi rono klato” ei bangali der rokte aaj’o tai protibadi hoye othar nesha peye boshe. Kintu oshubidha ektai, shomossha joto choto, bangalir protibader bhasha toto joralo. Bishshash na hole ghotona ta shunun. Bochor du'ek agey Noakhalir ekti gram er shomiti theke kichu taka gayeb hoye jay. Shomitir shodoshshoder obhijog, taka gulo keo mere niyeche. Bas, omni charidike protibader agun jole uthlo. Shoto shoto manush lathi-shotha, placard niye michile jhapiye porlo. Konther shobtuku jor diye slogan dite laglo, “Jonogoner taka loi chudur-budur, cholto no... cholto no!” Priyo pathok, vogno-hridoy niye janate hochche, bangali der desh niye jara “chudur-budur” kore jachche, tar kono karjokor protibad na kore bangali ra shudhu ekti buli-e aore jay: “amader deshe kobe, shei chele hobe.” Thik-e dhorechen, kokhonoi hobe na. Karon bangali ra keo shei cheleti hote chay na. To: Imut Rama
This is Why
A story, I sing about, Ó RinRin Ways to tell if you are addicted to the Internet...
Some thoughtsI never liked the idea of creating an online diary, where my daily life becomes an open book to random strangers. And to be honest, I find it kinda funny to see that people put up from what time they woke up in the morning to whom they went to bed with, in their blogs. I personally could care less about what they do or what they don't do (my buddies are exceptions). And similarly, I think people will give the same rat's ass to my blogs, too. Fair enough, ha? When I first started using this msn-space thing, which was a few days ago, I purely wanted to keep this as a droll escape of my own. Kind of putting together all my stupid, witty files and pix in one place. But today I can't help but putting up some personal thoughts on atheism. It sounds serious, I know; and if you close the blog box right now, I won't blame you. But let me ask you something. Wouldn't you defend your reasons when you find yourself religiously attacked by an atheist? I'm sure you would, if you are NOT an atheist. What is a religion? What is its purpose? "Religion is the collection of Divine principles that guide people to what is good, not by force but by appealing to their free will. All principles that secure our spiritual and material progress are found in religion." I found this in one of the books by Fethullah Gulen. Those who are atheist, should be defined by what they are lacking of, Whom they are arguing against. Nothing in TRUE religion is contrary to sound thinking, reasoning, common sense, knowledge and not to mention, science. Those who don't accept religion are either devoid of sound thinking and reasoning, or have a wrong conception of knowledge and science. Atheists devote their lives to attacking religion. But never have some obligation to demonstrate atheism's benefits and good consequences; except for saying "I was born, I'm living my life and I will die. That's the end of my life and me. I'm not obligated to do anything that I've been asked by my Creator. Because I choose not to. Hell, why bother?! I wasn't created. I was BORN!" Gosh.. it's like life of an animal. Human attain true humanity by means of religion, philosophy and knowledge. That's what distinguishes us from animals. For atheists, there is no difference between human beings and animals. Virtues, morality should be sought in the practice of religion. It rarely happens that an atheist has laudable virtues or that a religious person has none. Look at Taslima Nasreen, Salman Rushdee, Ali Sina. They all left Islam for sake of "being a human," "saving humanity." But have you read their reasons? Have you read their biographies... the life they've been leading, the impression they hold? Weren't they lost even before they declared of being atheist? They were and they will always be. We don't even need to go that far. Look around you. You will see "life billboards" walking around saying, "Life's too short. Religion is just once a week/month/year thing to do. Who cares?" And have you observed the life they lead? The impression you have about them? Are they truly happy? Can they honestly answer the purpose of their "valuable" lives? What happen after they die? Oh, I forgot. They consider themselves as an organism, named Homo Sapience, who will be buried and that's the end of it. "Is their any word such as Soul? I doubt it! " Those without religion cannot save themselves from losing everything, including their true identity. They call themselves Secularist. Secular = worldly. So they had to face a lot of criticism due to that word "secularist." People started to see their true face, started to define them by whice they actually are. So they had to change their "title." Now they name themselves "Humanists." And they are "saving humanity from religion." And they've all devoted their lives to oppose Islam, out of all the religions. What an irony! Let them do their best. Since the day it was revealed, the Qur'an has encountered many objections and criticisms. 1400 years later, there has been no end to it. However, the Qur'an has always emerged unscathed and so continues to manifest its victory. Those who criticize the Qur'an, as if it were their profession, generally have only a vague and superficial knowledge of its contents. It is ironic that such people feel free to vent their opinions without researching or even reading it. It is impossible to talk of morality and virtue where people don't practice the true religion. Religion is what makes one's conscience good and clear, for it is a connection between humanity and God.
THINK, PPL, THINK! STUDY, PPL, STUDY! Letter of a 16 yr old boyDear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight for her as she is so much older than me, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood big enough for the whole winter. motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad; she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you wouldn't care She wants to have many more children with me, and that's now one of my dreams too.Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the mean time, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 16 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your son, John PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home. Just wondering...1.How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 2.If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 3.Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 4.Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 5.Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 6.How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 7.Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 8.If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 9.Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? 10.Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 11.How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? 12.Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. And finally... 13.Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Atlantans in AtlantaThis is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia. By the way, these are soooo true!
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with: Peachtree Circle Peachtree Place Peachtree Lane Peachtree Road Peachtree Parkway Peachtree Run Peachtree Terrace Peachtree Avenue Peachtree Commons Peachtree Battle Peachtree Corners New Peachtree Old Peachtree West Peachtree Peachtree-Dunwoody Peachtree-Chamblee Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all they drink there, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola.
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. All grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2am Saturday.
A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawns duh LEE-on".
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta that has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Don't believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going "North" or "South". The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop".
If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before.
If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store).
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
(Thanks to L'neisha!)
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